I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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