You just made me feel so damn special
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
