you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
