so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
