I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
