Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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