He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
