Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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