i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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