Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
