I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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