I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
