fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
