Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize