I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
