I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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