my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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