At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
