Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
