Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
