Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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