i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
