Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
