so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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