we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you will always have a special place in my vag
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
