it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
