the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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