I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize