Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
