before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
