i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
