Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
