While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Farmville is her only friend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
