I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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