It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
