my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
