One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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