i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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