Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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