Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
