Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
