I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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