i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize