There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
