Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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