I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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