and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
