dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
