Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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