god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
