i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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