We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
