And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
