Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
