I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
