I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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