happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize