are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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