I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
