I think I won the penis lottery.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
