Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His nipple licking is glorious
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