Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
