Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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