i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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