why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
