I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
