this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
