my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
