I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
