Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
