What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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