If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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