God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
